The list of my favorite holidays looks like this: 4th of July, my birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, in that order. Dead last on the list of all holidays, is Halloween. I just don’t understand what all the hype for Halloween is about. There are many reasons why Halloween is the worst of all holidays so I’ve decided to describe just a few.

First of all, we don’t get the day off of work or school. How can we even call something a holiday if we don’t have the day off to enjoy it. Elementary schools sometimes recognize Halloween and kids have the chance to show off their costume to their friends and teachers. Unfortunately, however, middle and high schools couldn’t care less about costumes or candy. If society doesn’t give me the time to enjoy it, I’m not going to observe its made-up holiday.

There’s so much pressure to have the perfect costume; personally, I absolutely loathe the costume picking process. My biggest fear is thinking I have an amazing costume idea and then going somewhere only to have the first person I see ask me what I’m supposed to be. A costume has to be both “cute” and clever, two very hard qualities to achieve at the same time. Little kids dressed up for Halloween have no fear. People will love their costumes because they’re still considered “cute” when dressed up as a clown. At my age, dressing up as a clown would be both lame and terrifying.

Everything is too scary. Ghosts, murderers, goblins and witches are all scary whether they actually exist or not. I don’t like being scared. I can’t understand why people enjoy having nightmares about zombies taking over the world; it does not sound like my cup of tea. People love watching scary movies around Halloween, but if they’re watching the movie with me, they’ll have to keep increasing the volume to hear it over my screams and sobs. Going to a haunted house or forest could be fun if I wanted to wet my pants at the ripe age of 18. Scary things just don’t seem fun to me, which makes it very hard to get excited about a day centered around scary.

One good thing about Halloween is the candy. Even though I’m too old to go door to door, I still get my fix with the leftover candy at my own house because my mom buys way too much every year. I really fear for the kids still out on the streets because there are some pretty crazy people out there slipping razor blades into Snickers bars. Kids go house to house dressed in a tacky Wal-Mart costume asking for candy that could poison them. How weird. The solution to this is just to go trick or treating at the store. It works like this: go to the store, buy lots of candy, go home and eat it all without the hassle of dressing up.

Moral of the story: Halloween is the worst. I just can’t get on board with it. This Halloween, I’ll be hibernating away from all the hustle and bustle. Wake me up on Nov. 1st.